septembre 18, 2003

The Couple That Prays Together, Stays Together?

Nothing bothers me more than the smell of cigarette smoke on my boyfriend. I have yet to figure out why this smell infuriates me so much, but I know that my feelings are akin to Halle Berry's in "Monsters Ball", when she notices smeared chocolate on the face of her obese 11-year-old son and proceeds to beat the shit out of him.

My hatred of cigarette smoke in general is pretty valid, I think, if for no other reason than the fact that it's hazardous to ones health and stinky. It's something I can abide if absolutely necessary, of course, like if I'm waiting on a table of people who are smoking, or if a close friend of mine is a smoker.

I guess the thing that irks me the most is a non-smoker smoking. Sure, we've all done it (except Dave), while drunk at a party or while trying to bed an actual smoker, or both. Some of us have even been actual smokers for a while, which is sad but acceptable because at least we were committed. But if you're not drinking, seducing, or addicted, what the hell is the point of smoking, ASHLEY, when your girlfriend - yes, the one you share a small bed with - fucking hates the smell! And taste! And, just, general principal of it all!!!!!!!!! raaarr!

Posted by robyn at septembre 18, 2003 12:26 AM

Yeah, I guess I can understand. Even as a smoker, kissing another smoker is not really a pleasant experience. I've chosen to remedy this situation and save all others from such unpleasantries by not kissing anybody. Ever. I never kiss nobody. Er... I mean anybody. I always kiss nobody, but I never kiss anybody. Ever.

solved that problem, didn't I.

Posted by: kati at septembre 18, 2003 07:21 PM

Cigarettes are a drug of the lonely. Cigarettes are good when you're walking long distances, taking breaks from set building, or, in theory, recuperating from passionate on-getting, mentally acclimating yourself to the end of the all-too-temporal bond of physical intimacy and returning once more to the solitude and untouchability of one's own thoughts, personality, and unknowability. A brilliant man I once knew once characterized a cigarette as being a physical embodiment of five minutes, possibly along the same lines as the common military "take five/smoke 'em if you got 'em" expression.

On general principle, cigarettes are vile. They smell, they're expensive, they give you cancer, your girlfriend (again, in theory) hates the scent and general nicotinessedness. But, smoking cigarettes both looks and feels cool. Plus, they're as addictive as heroin, so there has to be a powerful-type incentive to stop smoking them. I guess "love" (see "theory", above) would seemingly qualify as an incentive of this ilk, but as another wise man once said, you never know what you never know. Miss Voluntine has hit upon an ingenious solution, though not one applicable to our present authoress' dilemma, but I for one applaud her.

Posted by: sean at septembre 19, 2003 01:38 AM

Thanks for breakin' it down, Sean. It's just that, when you've been in a relationship with someone for 4+ years, the idea of that person doing something because it "looks and feels cool" just seems idiotic.

Posted by: robyn at septembre 19, 2003 02:58 PM

i personally am in a relationship just because it looks and feels cool. if one of us were to take up smoking, the coolness factor might kill an innocent bystander.

Posted by: didofoot at septembre 19, 2003 03:08 PM

Word, dido.
It's good of you to look out for those pesky innocent bystanders. They'd never be able to handle that much cool.

Posted by: kati at septembre 19, 2003 06:13 PM

i can feel myself gagging on the cool right now.

Posted by: michele at septembre 20, 2003 12:04 AM

I hate the smell on my boyfriend, too... which is funny because I have recently made good on my threat to start smoking again, but at least the smell on my own hands and clothes also disgusts me. Addiction is a funny thing like that; makes you do stuff you know you shouldn't do because it makes you sick in both the long and short term. I happen to think that smoking isn't very cool... probably because I've spent the last 5 years attempting to condition myself to hate smoking and not want to smoke, but also because I know that I only smoke due to weakness. I think it's cool you're a nonsmoker Robyn, more power to you :)

Posted by: Kristina at septembre 20, 2003 11:44 PM

Thanks, K. It's funny - Ash and I were arguing about it today (he was like, "I can't believe you wrote that about me in your BLOG!"), and he actually suggested that *I* start smoking.
But then he took me to the new Woody Allen movie, which totally made up for it.

Posted by: robyn at septembre 21, 2003 12:25 AM


It is my understanding that you had a brief period during which you thought you were a smoker. (Was it an LMNO thing or a Boise thing?) When I learned this, I was very sad, because I had always thought that you were way too cool for the addiction that many of your friends indulged in. It turns out that I was right, that you have an impenetrable shroud of cool that makes you impervious to the desire to smoke. And that makes you the coolest non-smoker I know.


p.s. don't you have a birthday coming up? Maybe Ash should quit smoking as a present.

Posted by: cody at septembre 22, 2003 07:46 AM

Psha! *snort*

Posted by: kati at septembre 22, 2003 11:10 AM

Goddammit Cody! I miss you!

Posted by: robyn at septembre 22, 2003 10:25 PM

Just so nobody fogets this, Cramer, the once person-inseperable-from-the-concept-of-smoking, whom would be always, always, always be seen smoking at any given time is now a non smoker and has been for years now. It can be done. With grace and self control. Props to Christine.

Posted by: gene at septembre 23, 2003 02:41 PM

Also, umm.. Dido, do you hate the way that I smell, like the other two attached women in this thread do to their respective beaus? I'd rather know than not I guess.

Posted by: gene at septembre 23, 2003 02:42 PM

She hates the way you smell, but she loves the way I smell. I need no army of droids to win this cologne war, Qui-Gon Gene!

Posted by: sean at septembre 23, 2003 04:25 PM

I tried to give the props to Christine, but I don't know where she's been hiding.

Posted by: cody at septembre 24, 2003 07:33 PM

I think she still visits CH every now and then. You should email her. Or write a "Dear Christine" blog.

Posted by: robyn at septembre 24, 2003 09:08 PM

Hi guys, I am found. It is all true...I did used to smoke, I have separated, I am hiding.....and I miss all of you!!! I am out of the loop on this cementhorizon stuff and stumbled across this page by accident. Fate???

Posted by: christine at septembre 25, 2003 02:47 PM